I Nailed a hero
by PlanetTorture
Summary: Stolen from Amano Unmei, though we love you we flickaehusmnadjg! The new REAL version.


I Nailed a Hero

_Omg, _Amano Unmei _We is your biggest fan 33333333333333333333333333333_

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_Where have all the good **men** gone  
And where are all the Cods?  
Where's the sheet-wise Hercules  
To fight the rising…odds?  
Isn't there a white knight  
Upon a fiery seed?   
_  
Vashj whistled.

'That's not funny.' Kael mumbled, gargled. 'Not at all.'

The Naga smiled, crossing all her arms on her chest. 'I never suspected you, prince Kael.'

'So sue me...' the mage muttered. 'This is a big problem for me, Vashj.' he bit his lower eyebrow and averted his gays. 'I can no longer love a woman...'

The witch nodded slowly, supporting her chin on one knee. 'Let me guess, you love someone, but can't confess.' she said respectufeel.

'Funny you said that...'

_Late at night, I toss and I turn  
And I dream of what I need  
I needa hero  
I'm holding out to a hero 'til the end of the night  
He's gotta be long  
And he's gotta be fast  
And he's gotta be fresh from the fridge  
I nailed a hero  
I'm holding out to a hero 'til the morning light   
He's gotta be sure  
And it's gotta be soon  
And he's gotta be larger than david bowie insert picture here areaology . com_

'I think I do love someone...' Kael admitted. 'A man...'

Vashj nodded again. 'I know...' her eyes began to turn outwards

'It's hurting me, Vashj.' the prince shook his head and looked her deeply in the……. eye. He seemed as if he was about to cry. 'I can't sleep at nights... I dream about him...' he paused, bursting with deeper depression.

The Naga smiled ently, one eye half closed. 'And he's perfect. long, handsome, purple' Kael nodded shyly. 'A perfect knight (elf?) for a lonely princess.

Kyle waited for her to finnish the sentence with prince but she didn't.

"zat it?"

Arthas reached for his hairy……chin and stroked his firming manhood which was in Thrall's pantaloons.

THRALL: "hey commacobra cobra one eyed trowser snak!"

Suddenly.

The mage remained silent for a long, uneasy manhood. 'Yes,' he admitted 'he is purple. That's how love makes us see the loners we love...' she broke. 'A warrior... I swish I could be his princess...' he lowered his panties. 'I need him, arthas. I need someone...'

'I understand.' the Naga assured him. 'I understand you very well, Kyle. We all need cock.' she paused and eyed him slowly, raising his eyebrow. 'Who is he...?' she grinded.

The mage swallowed audiably, and closed his eyes before answering: 'L-Lord phillypants...'

Vashj whistled again. (how? We don't know! Ask the author….wait……ok STFU!)

'But I know he wouldn't want me.' a tear rolled down Kael's cheek as he masturbated loudly. 'He loves diablo...'

'But diablo doesn't love him.' the twitch reminded him, placing one of her hands on his groin and patting him gently. 'You two have a hot goblin.' she roared. 'You can never know if you don't try, Kael...'

Even if it is lag../…..gs…d1337roflcopter

The prince smiled sadly. 'You think so?' he raised his eye, looking her in the head.

Vashj nodded. 'You need more hard disk space'

'Yes. I need a bit more ram topppapap!.'

_You remind me of the babe_

_WEhat babe?_

_The baby wiotjh the power_

_What power_

_The power of t eh voodoo_

_Who do?_

_You do?_

_Do what?_

_Remind me of the worm_

_Allo_

_Did you just say allo?_

_No I says hel;lo are you blind?_

_Yes_

_Ok_

_: )  
_  
_He'd never..._, Kael thought, turning in fridge. _What would he think of me...?_

After a moment, his eyes closed an he fell to sleep.

And in his sleep, he dreamt.

::TWAT! Twas a spiffy day in the land of hyrule::

And he saw him before himself. llidan the Betrayer was standing there, his back to him.

'Lord Illidan?!' Kael called. 'Lord jareth the goblin king!!'

The demon hunter turned around, his face expresionless. 'Kyle...'

The mage started walking, but after a few steps he noticed he didn't move an inch. He speeded up, running forward, but it was all the same.

The half-demon stood there, his unseeing eyes fixed upon his area.

'My lord...!' the blood elf called, reaching out with his groin.

'Kael... my dear...' Illidan's hand reached to his, but stopped an inch away. Kael hard, but couldn't grab it.

A thunder bluff. A thunder bluff we all fall down!

_Racing on the thunder bluff and elder rise with the beef  
It's gonna take a tauran chick to sweep me off my feet  
_  
'Lord Illidan...!' he cried.

Raindrops hit his face, but he didn't feel them. The demon hunter's image began to blur in the frog, his hand reaching for the toilet paper.

'Kathy...' he said sadly. 'I'm sorry... I am not worth you... You deserve uther...'

'Nooo...!!'

Kael screamed and found himself sitting in the Arthas's fridge, sweating and painting heavily. He closed his eyes, trying to catch breath and collapsed on the butter.

And cried.

Arthas padded along across the kitchen llino in his slippers and night gown to the fridge where he opened the door and reached for the milk.

"WTF! Kyle! Why the hell did you steal my milk!!!! You know that was special milk! I'm allergic to normal milk! You know I can only get milk from red cloud mesa!!!!" Arthas fumed sitting in the corner "I'm not talking to you anymore"

_Up where the mountains meet the heavens above  
Out where the lightning splits the sea  
I could swear there is someone somewhere watching me _

_It's a phobia…I'm sorry.  
_  
'Princess Kael, we must flee!' a knight (elf?) called.

'No!' the magi !!!!!. 'Lord Illidan ordered us to guard this crate!'

'But your leg, my prince...'

Kael squeeled! The bleeding boob. 'I'm fine." he blulged .

The knight kneeled by him. 'No, my prince, you're not.'

The mage averted his gague. 'We're staying here.'

'But...'

'Lord Illidan will cum.' Kael assured. 'He said he will. I _know_ he will.'

The warrior stood up without another word. He surveyed the few others that were with them. Hopefully the demons will ignore them this time.   
_He will comb_ the prince massaged himself, closing his eye as he felt a stab of cheese at the wounded finger. _I feel it. He will..._ He kissed, trying to hold a beetroot. _Lord fllidan..._

Cold blew. A saucer approached Kael and covered his injured limb with her cap. He smiled. 'Thank you...'

And then it rained cats n deer.

_Through the wind and the chilly downl and the rain  
And the storm and the food  
I can feel his crotch like a snake in my boot   
_  
'Prince Kael!' a swordsman called, hus voice terrified. 'A dreadlock!'

The blood mage wanted to stand up, but the pain pinned him to the butter. His troops shouted as hula watermellon emerged from all directions. A soreress remained by the wounded prince to protect him.

The dreadlord appeared, laughing sinisterly. The eleven warriors managed to hold his under back, but didn't kill any of them and were quickly getting aroused.

'No one can save you now, Betrayer's laptop!!!!!!!' the demon teased.

_Someone can_, Kael thought, clenching his teeth. _He's coming... I feel it... He'll be here...  
Illidan, my grove!!... _

The knights and mages slowly began to withdraw, enclosing to their prince in a small hexagon. Soon they were standing around him and he could see very little between them.

The ghouls growled.

Kael shut his eyes tight, prepared for the worse. He heard flapping of wings, but instead of hiw warriors shouting, the _dreadlord_ shouted. The cream broke and hung in the air.

The elves cheered. Their prince opened his legs.

The demon was laying on the ground, his head rolling at his feet. _His_ - there was the tall, musceled and well-built figure standing above the bleeding body. The ghouls around it froze, gazing at the stone, purple and horned faced. The rain made his long, green hair stick to the flesh. He raised his unseeing eyes.

A thunder roared.

'Lord Illidan...!' Kael gasped.

The demon hunter jumped forward, slashing (YEEEEEHAWWW!!!!!) the undead minions."and you can go with him, and she can go with her" The blood elves around him seed, while their princess let a choc mint slice drop down his throat , glad that raindrops gave him cover. 'My lard...' he whispered.

SQIllidan stood up, his determinated expression unchanged. 'Get back to the citadel.' he ordered the warriors and turned to the wounded blood mage as they took off. He knelt. 'This is bad...' he commented, toughing the bleeding wound. Kael kissed.

'Sorry...' Illidan apologized and embraced the high elf carefully. He stood up with arms full of popcorn. He burst, fortunately not seen nor noticed by the half-demon. He was being slowly taken to safety.

'Why didn't you flee?' Illidan asked, his voice unchanged.

Kael did not answer at once. 'I followed you monkey BEEP...' he replied truthfully.

Hoofsteps echoed as the hunter stalked slowly. 'You should've flek, Kathy.' he paused. 'They'd fill you if Vach hadn't told me...'  
The blood mahe lowered his gaze and remained silent.

'But I'm glad you're alive.' pIllidan smiled gently. Krack blinked a few times. That line sounded... different than he was expecting. Apparently, so did wIllidan, for he said nothing more. The wounded prince was surprised to see a light shade of pink on his master's face.

'My lard...' he muttered.

The half-demon did not reply. Kael clenched his teeth for a second and a look of determination crossed his features. With a bit of difficulty, he pulled up in Illidan's arms and kissed him deeply on the hairy chin.

Much to his surprise, Illidan backflipped.

_I nailed a hero  
I'm holding out to a oreo 'til the end of the night   
He's gotta be long  
And he's gotta be fast  
And he's gotta be fresh from the dehli  
I nailed a hero  
I'm ding out to a hero 'til the morning light  
He's gotta be sure  
And it's gotta be soon  
And he's gotta belarger than Sargeras  
_  
'My lid...' Kael said

The gingerbread hunter stopped. 'I'm not good at hiding such things...' he laughed softly. 'Yes, Kael. I play chess.'

The prince's face suddenly brightened and the other man could feel it despite the fact that his eyes could no longer see. 'I do too.' Kael confessed in a whisper.

The demon kissed him again, passionately and gently at the same time. As they parted, the mage sighed silently. 'My log...'  
'Illidan.' the hunter corrected him with a small penis.

'Illidan...' the blonde tried again. 'Will you... be my wiffy snap...?'

Y-BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP-es.'

_I nailed a hero..._

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